MOM MADE IT!!

I am so happy my mom finally made it down here! I don't know what I would do without her! Me and Connor took her to El Mercado the open air mexican market down by the river walk. They were having a Memorial Day Celebration so we got to enjoy music, crafts, import items, and of course food! We ate some authentic food which I have missed so badly about being away from home! I miss my hubby so much, but we have a very strong and wonderful relationship so even though it hurts to be seperated during this I know we will still be going strong when I go home! Mom and Tavo are my strength thru all of this and it is nice to have one of them here. I have the greatest mom I could ever ask for. She got up at 4 this morning and drove straight thru to get here by this afternoon! I love her so much and am so greatful she was able to come down here for the transplant. It means so much. I have met so many families here going thru the same thing or that have just finished the transplant. It has helped me so much to talk to other people in the same situation as us. I am slowly accepting what I am being delt, it isn't easy but I can't let it get in the way of me supporting Connor. Anyways I have a long day ahead of me tomorrow so I guess I will have to cut this short, but you guys have a good night!

In Christ Alone

Thursday and Friday they will be doing Testicular Radiation which will leave Connor sterile. It breaks my heart, but not for myself, for him. I know that as a little girl I always dreamed of having kids and I know that when he gets older and starts dating that may be an issue. Is he going to hate me for not giving him a choice? I don't know. My primary goal is to keep him alive and not lose my baby. I knew before we got here he would end up sterile but the closer it gets to that particular radiation, the more I cry about it. It is so hard to accept! We have been lucky in so many ways. God has helped us, and sent wonderful people to help. Our church has helped alot with prayer and fundraisers. It just seems that when you are away from home it goes so fast. We flew down here so we have to pay for cabs to get around, and Lawdy is it expensive! Mom is coming down this weekend and it seems to be taking forever to get here! I miss her so bad! My mom and my husband have been there for me thru all the tough stuff and try to calm my ramblings and crazy nerves! I don't know if she can do it by herself without Tavo here! LOL! I miss my husband like crazy, he is such a great guy. He always wipes my tears and tries to make sure I rest and take care of myself. I couldn't do this without him. God blessed me with him! Dad has helped and offered to come down here, but when something is going on I want my Mom. When I'm sick I want my mommy, when I'm sad I want my mommy, when I have a question, etc. you guessed it I want my Mom! Not that I don't want Dad to come down, I love my Dad. Its just Mom is so understanding and even though she is upset she tries to talk me off the ledge. Thru all this stress and craziness I try to put my trust in God. Without him who knows where I would be and what would happen to Connor. I try so hard to have faith. I pray to God everyday because I know he can heal. I know that he can heal Connor and even the radiation won't affect his fertility! I love God! When Connor relapsed I hated God, but now I don't blame him. I trust him(most days!LOL) that its all gonna be OK. Which reminds me I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Its one I listen to at least once daily. I wish I had the music for you!
Amy
Lyrics to In Christ Alone :
In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

Miss my Momma!

I like Texas the weather right now is nice here and we have enjoyed the pool. Connor isn't allowed in the pool anymore because Doctor Chan is afraid it could be harboring some germs and viruses so we are all confined to the room like quarantined animals. I feel so sorry for Connor because there is so much he could be seeing and doing here! I really miss my Mom and my Husband. My Mom has done so much to help out when I know that deep down she is freaking out. My mom is so much fun and I miss her like crazy. Don't worry mom we will be on our way home from here soon and we will get to play the "In My Pants" Game for 9 hours! (LOL this game is not perverted as the name would imply!) I know some of you guys are wondering what exactly that game is and it is where you read signs you see out loud and follow it up with the saying in my pants! So you would say something like eat fresh in my pants! Maybe something like Fresh meat in your pants! LOL we played this when my son got out of the hospital once and my Grandma was with us and she loved the game!(You would have to know my Grandma, she doesn't swear or anything. She is probably the closest person I have seen to an angel!) Anyways we pulled in at a truck stop to eat and she saw the sign for the icecream cone holder on the wall and blurted out "Tastes Good in MY Pants!" Then laughed uproarously. She is so much fun and my Mom is so much like her! I can't wait till Mom gets down here, hopefully she won't have many bouts with her shortcut sickness! My husband and I have never been seperated for a long period of time and I am missing him like crazy! We text and talk often but I miss his warm embrace and all the support he gives when I feel I can't go on! I miss going up the stairs in front of him and having to worry if he is gonna grab the backs of my legs on the way up to tickle me! I miss my normal life. Right now normal seems so far away. I miss the smell of the Magnolias and Honeysuckle. I miss watching Connor's head shine in the moonlight on our balcony, and throwing water ballons over the balcony at my husband to ambush him when he gets off work! We have so much fun in our family that it makes it hard to be seperated from any of them.

San Antonio

Well, here we are. We made it to San Antonio, and I forgot how crazy the roads are down here! Its alot different than the slow pokes back home. LOL I love you slow pokes though! We were at the hospital all day today. It was alot of information, some of it wasn't stuff I wanted to hear but you know me, gotta know it all! We found out today that Connor has over a 90% chance of being sterile after all of this. That breaks my heart to know. Even though I have heard it and read it before it was hard to hear from his doctors. We also found out that without a transplant his chances of Leukemia coming back is 85% and that with the transplant the chances of it coming back are 25%. Still not the chances I would like to hear but at least it is an improvement! I miss my husband and feel so alone in all of this. It feels like my family is being torn apart and I have no control over it. I worry so much about Connor and how he is going to hold up Physically and Emotionally thru all of this. I wonder if he will ever have to worry about a relapse again or if this will fix it. Everyone is so optimistic about all of this, but it is hard for me to be positive. Life has went to crap over the last 2 years and I can't do diddly crap about it! I wish we knew what caused this crap in the first place. Where did it come from? Could we have stopped it? Can we prevent it from coming back? Grrr just wish we could get this over with and he could have a normal life. He is such a great kid and deserves to have a normal disease free life. He shouldn't have to go thru this. Anyways I am rambling so I will quit. Maybe I will write more tomorrow.
Amy