In Christ Alone

Thursday and Friday they will be doing Testicular Radiation which will leave Connor sterile. It breaks my heart, but not for myself, for him. I know that as a little girl I always dreamed of having kids and I know that when he gets older and starts dating that may be an issue. Is he going to hate me for not giving him a choice? I don't know. My primary goal is to keep him alive and not lose my baby. I knew before we got here he would end up sterile but the closer it gets to that particular radiation, the more I cry about it. It is so hard to accept! We have been lucky in so many ways. God has helped us, and sent wonderful people to help. Our church has helped alot with prayer and fundraisers. It just seems that when you are away from home it goes so fast. We flew down here so we have to pay for cabs to get around, and Lawdy is it expensive! Mom is coming down this weekend and it seems to be taking forever to get here! I miss her so bad! My mom and my husband have been there for me thru all the tough stuff and try to calm my ramblings and crazy nerves! I don't know if she can do it by herself without Tavo here! LOL! I miss my husband like crazy, he is such a great guy. He always wipes my tears and tries to make sure I rest and take care of myself. I couldn't do this without him. God blessed me with him! Dad has helped and offered to come down here, but when something is going on I want my Mom. When I'm sick I want my mommy, when I'm sad I want my mommy, when I have a question, etc. you guessed it I want my Mom! Not that I don't want Dad to come down, I love my Dad. Its just Mom is so understanding and even though she is upset she tries to talk me off the ledge. Thru all this stress and craziness I try to put my trust in God. Without him who knows where I would be and what would happen to Connor. I try so hard to have faith. I pray to God everyday because I know he can heal. I know that he can heal Connor and even the radiation won't affect his fertility! I love God! When Connor relapsed I hated God, but now I don't blame him. I trust him(most days!LOL) that its all gonna be OK. Which reminds me I wanted to share the lyrics to one of my favorite songs. Its one I listen to at least once daily. I wish I had the music for you!
Amy
Lyrics to In Christ Alone :
In Christ alone will I glory
Though I could pride myself in battles won
For I’ve been blessed beyond measure
And by His strength alone I’ll overcome
Oh, I could stop and count successes like diamonds in my hands
But those trophies could not equal to the grace by which I stand

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone

In Christ alone do I glory
For only by His grace I am redeemed
For only His tender mercy
Could reach beyond my weakness to my need
And now I seek no greater honor in just to know Him more
And to count my gains but losses to the glory of my Lord

In Christ alone
I place my trust
And find my glory in the power of the cross
In every victory
Let it be said of me
My source of strength
My source of hope
Is Christ alone