Rejected!?

Truth is we don't know yet. Hurry up........then wait. Connor still hasn't engrafted, which is scarier
by the day. He could be a late engraftment or he could be rejecting the transplant. There is either hope......or all is lost this time. If he is a late engraftment it will happpen in time. If the transplant didn't work we get to start over. That means more intense Chemo, more throwing up, diarrhea, more grouchiness, more mouth sores, less taste buds, less hair, and an even higher chance of secondary cancer. It seems the treatments are as toxic as the cancer. He is finally able to eat some, which makes me happy. He can finally taste, which makes him happy. He has lost tons of weight. He has no hair, eyebrows, or eyelashes. My God does his suffering never stop? They did a Bone Marrow Aspirate today to see if the Leukemia is back. They gave him Versed and Propofol to knock him out. Propofol!? Isn't that how Michael Jackson died? Dang worried the whole time he was under. Still waiting on test results, the wait seems to never end. Dr. Stine told us before we came down here that survival rates didn't matter. He was right. Either your child survives.....or they don't. It is either 100% or 0%. Folks there is really no cure for cancer. There are treatments but that is not the same. A cure means it is gone forever. Treatment means you are treating it, trying to control it. Thats why you see all the searches for a cure. Connor has been so sick, and the hard part is there is nothing I can do to fix it. He wants to be camping, fishing, and swimming. He deserves a normal childhood. I don't know how he will hold up if he has to do it all over. I know that I can't lose my son. Absolutley not, its not a possibilty. I feel like the air just got sucked out of my lungs for thinking about it. I know that is a very real possibility and it terrifies me to think that possibility is related to my son. My son the happy kid who talks trash, My son the happy kid that plays video games, that enjoys the outdoors, my snuggle bug, My one true joy in life. I pray to God that this dang transplant takes and that Connor's Journey is about to get alot easier. Notice I said easier not over. When the Journey is over it means the end, nothing worked. We definetly don't want the Journey to be over just please God make it easier. This is almost to much for this Mom to bear.